A Grateful Heart

In November, my lovely , beautiful friend, Jillian from Family Rooted In Love dedicated her blog to "Grateful Hearts." She had many guest bloggers (including yours truly) discuss what they were grateful for in their lives.

I was honored when Jillian asked me to contribute to the Grateful Heart series. It would be my first blogpost ever and that was exciting and a bit scary!

Recently, this post has been on my mind and I thought it was worth repeating why my heart is grateful. My reasons have not changed and I am reminded daily of the blessings in my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Grateful Heart

This post has plagued my mind for quite some time now. Like others, I had a hard time picking just one person or thing that I’m grateful for. Every time I came up with an idea, I would feel like I was leaving somebody or something out. I know, I know…it’s really not that tragic! It’s just a blog post, right?

Last year around this time, I attended a regional forum for district teachers of the year. As the “Former” District Teacher of the Year for my district, I was invited to attend with the current winner. Bryan Coburn, the South Carolina Teacher of the Year at the time, would be leading the forums this year. Bryan had been my “competition” the year before and we became buddies during the various forums and meetings before he won the title and I was looking forward to hearing what he had to say to us (not to mention his amazing dry sense of humor that always had me rolling!)

The wisdom that he gave us that day has given me a new outlook on each day that I wake up here on Earth. The short version of what he talked about:

- Use Mondays to your advantage – we typically dread Mondays, but we shouldn’t. Each Monday gives us a new week in which we have 7 days to make a difference in someone’s life.

- Positive Thinking = Positive Outcomes. We should surround ourselves with positivity.

At this point, you’re probably asking yourself “what in the world does this have to do with A Grateful Heart? And why has Jillian asked this woman to write a blog post?”

Ok. Here it is. My heart is grateful for all of the positive things in my life. I have chosen to surround myself with positive people and positive things in order to make myself a more positive person.

I am Grateful for My Music – Music is my life. Without it, my world would be pretty cold and dreadful.

I am Grateful for My Husband – Michael has accepted me for me – all of the good, the bad and even the ugly imperfections. He supports my crazy schedule, he believes in my dreams and he loves me unconditionally. What more could I ask for??

I am Grateful for My Family – I have this wonderful, supportive family that believes in me and every crazy thing I put on my schedule. They are always there for me no matter what I ask of them.

I am Grateful for My Friends – these wonderful friends of mine support my in every way possible. They give me their shoulders to lean on (and cry on), they hold my hand through the tough times, they celebrate my victories, they listen to my crazy ideas and ramblings, they coach me in my running, they love me for who I am, they teach me amazing life lessons, they help me find my way when I am lost and they are just the most wonderful people in the world.

I am Grateful for My Faith – My journey in faith has been an unusual one. Most people don’t quite understand it – sometimes even I was a little confused by it. But on this journey, I’ve learned to trust in G-d and He will provide. Even though my outlook may be slightly different than others, that is how He created me and I have to trust in that.

I am Grateful for My Children – The “Walker Kids” are something else. I knew that when I went into the teaching profession that children would touch my life in all kinds of ways…little did I know they would end up being truly “my children”…to the extent that they call me “mom” all the time. They have proven that family doesn’t always share a name or a skin color or even a background. Families are created in love and trust and hope…

I am Grateful for My Running – Admittedly, I have a love-hate relationship with running. I love running for the fitness and the accomplishments and the ability to raise money for charities. But running kicks my butt, so I sometimes claim to hate it…but I’m lying. I really do love it!

I am Grateful for My Students – My crazy, unique, talented students. They teach me new things every day. I love them for who they are and who they are going to be. They make me proud, even when they’re driving me a bit crazy!

I am Grateful for My Mondays – Yes. Mondays. Each Monday brings a clean slate. It brings a new week in which I get to consciously make the choice to make a difference in someone’s life. It brings a new week in which I get to think positively and hopefully influence others to do the same.

Beautiful You - Day 14

"Have You Lost Weight?"

Day 14 encourages the reader to banish the question "Have you lost weight?" from your vocabulary.

I stopped asking this question quite a while ago. I learned from personal experience that it is much more positive to give someone a compliment than to ask that question. That question has a very negative connotation.

Instead of asking that question, try a positive compliment:

"You look fabulous!"

"You're glowing!"

"That color looks great on you."

This will be an easy one! What are some more positive compliments we can use?!

Beautiful You - Day 13

Defining Beautiful

The dictionary definition of the word "BEAUTIFUL" looks like this:

beau·ti·ful

/ˈbyutəfəl/ Show Spelled[byoo-tuh-fuhl]

–adjective

1. beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech.

2. excellent of its kind: a beautiful putt on the seventh hole; The chef served us a beautiful roast of beef.

3. wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying.

My definition of the word "BEAUTIFUL:"

~ strong
~ passionate
~ empowered
~ confident
~ intelligent
~ courageous
~ inspiring
~ brave

What is your definition of "BEAUTIFUL?"

Beautiful You - Day 11 & 12

You are not your body and your dissatisfaction is not about your body...

These two days have been hard to respond to for me, which is why it's been so long since I've posted.

I don't have any deep, dark secrets or trauma or crazy events that have lead to my dissatisfaction with my body. I had a pretty normal childhood. I grew up as a Navy brat with both parents until they divorced my senior year. While that was a pretty defining time in my life, I didn't develop body issues because of it, nor do I feel I was totally traumatized by it.

I went on to college and had a pretty calm college experience. I actually participated in beauty pageants while I was in college (yes...me...pageants...!). I was told by the judges that I had a lot of potential in the pageant circuit, although one said that I probably needed to do something about the weight on my thighs. Coincidentally, that's one of my "problem areas" now. But, at the time, I absorbed that comment and moved on. Again, I don't see it as a traumatizing moment in my life. I had pretty thick skin and dealt with the comment and moved on with my life. I never won any of the pageants...I didn't even place or win any of the talent competitions. I did manage to win Miss Congeniality at one of the pageants and I think that's when I realized that the pageant scene wasn't for me! I was perfectly happy being Miss Congeniality rather than Miss WhateverFestival or MissWhateverTownOrCity! I will tell you that being in the pageant scene for the short time I was involved was an incredible boost to my confidence. I knew that if I could walk around on a stage in a bathing suit and high heels in front of hundreds of people, I could do ANYTHING!!! And when I got all dolled up in my evening gowns, I actually felt quite beautiful.

When I got married, I was quite happy with my body. As time passed, I gained the typical pounds that I guess come with being comfortable and letting your guard down with your significant other. I slowly became unhappy with my body. My weight fluctuated slightly (in my eyes it was more than slightly, but isn't that always the case?). I gradually became unhappy with the changes in my body. The unhappiness would go away when I was working out regularly and my body reflected those workouts. It would return when my body reflected my lack of workouts.

After all of that, I think my unhappiness/dissatisfaction with my body directly relates to this "perfect" body image that I have in my head. Where did this image come from? I think it's a combination of the bodies of women who I feel have "amazing and perfect" bodies along with some of the women/girls that my husband has photographed (they all seem to be "skinny" and beautiful). I compare all of these bodies to my own and there are a lot more contrasts than comparisons. This is where my frustration sets in and I start to beat myself up.

I do realize that my dissatisfaction is not totally about my own body but about not reaching that "perfect" body image that I have engraved in my head. I need clean that slate off and realize that the strengths I possess are much more valuable than that crazy image.

Beautiful You - Day 10

Positive Memories...

What do you appreciate most about yourself? What are you confident about? What is the first positive memory you have of yourself?

Despite my body image issues, there are a few things that I actually do appreciate about myself. Physically, I love my eyes. I love the colors they are and how they speak my emotions so clearly. I love my hands. Yes...my hands. Not only do I like how they are shaped, but I love that my musical talent flows through them.

I am most confident about my musical and teaching abilities. When I have my flute in my hands and am making music, I can forget about all of my stress and troubles and woes. It transports me to another world where everything is good. On the other hand, I know that I am called to teach. When I see a child's eyes light up because they "get it?" Yeah...that's one of the best feelings in the world. And to see students who had no exposure to different musical experience grow to love and appreciate a diverse repertoire of music? It's a beautiful thing and my heart grows full just thinking of it!

I honestly can't remember what my first positive memory is of myself so I'll talk about some of my most "memorable" positive memories.

My college senior recital - Not only did I feel beautiful that day, but I felt accomplished. I knew that I performed to the best of my ability and that I had showcased my talent in a positive way. I knew that I made my family and friends proud and that I was proud of myself! It was also one of those defining steps on the path of my college career that lead to graduation and the real world.

My wedding day - Again, I felt beautiful on the inside and out. I knew I was marrying an amazing man and was confident in that decision. I loved my dress, my hair and my make-up. I felt absolutely incredible walking down the aisle to one of the most important men in my life flanked by two of the other most important men in my life, my brother and my "father," Jay Watkins. My family and friends were there to support and be part of our day and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day.

Completing my first race - What a feeling of exhilaration that was when I completed the Cooper River Bridge Run with my fabulous friend, Theresa!! I felt on top of the world; as if I could accomplish anything! Did I feel physically beautiful at the time...absolutely NOT (I just ran 6.2 miles!)!! But the strength I felt was amazing.

Completing my first 1/2 marathon - Again - the feeling of exhilaration! I ran 13.1 miles! And I did it all by myself! Yes, that's an amazing feeling and the emotions that come along with it are quite overwhelming. Did I feel physically beautiful after this race? I think I did - because at that point, I felt that a body that could accomplish that feat HAD to be beautiful!

Dork.

Apparently, Day 9 really spoke to me since I decided to blog about it TWICE! HA! When did I realize this? This morning when I saw an email in my inbox with a comment about Day 9, which was the same title as a comment over a week ago. What's great is that I even copied and pasted the list from the 1st Day 9 post into the 2nd Day 9 post. Yup...I'm a dork. Oops!

Day 10 will be coming soon!

Beautiful You - Day 9

What Are My Words Really Saying?

- My thighs are too big.
- My stomach is getting rounder.
- I wish I was 10 lbs lighter.
- I wish I was the size I was when I got married.
- I wish I was as the size of "those" girls.

So, these are some of the things I catch Beulah saying or thinking about me.

Why do I say these things? What are my emotions when I say them?

These statements are born out of frustration and unhappiness. As I mentioned before, I've got my own "Standards of Beauty" and I get so frustrated when I look in the mirror and see that I am not reaching those standards. I know that it's time for me to set new standards...standards that are more realistic and positive. And, honestly, those new standards are starting to sneak their way into my inner dialogue and it's fascinating to feel the difference when I look in the mirror.