Beautiful You - Day 10

Positive Memories...

What do you appreciate most about yourself? What are you confident about? What is the first positive memory you have of yourself?

Despite my body image issues, there are a few things that I actually do appreciate about myself. Physically, I love my eyes. I love the colors they are and how they speak my emotions so clearly. I love my hands. Yes...my hands. Not only do I like how they are shaped, but I love that my musical talent flows through them.

I am most confident about my musical and teaching abilities. When I have my flute in my hands and am making music, I can forget about all of my stress and troubles and woes. It transports me to another world where everything is good. On the other hand, I know that I am called to teach. When I see a child's eyes light up because they "get it?" Yeah...that's one of the best feelings in the world. And to see students who had no exposure to different musical experience grow to love and appreciate a diverse repertoire of music? It's a beautiful thing and my heart grows full just thinking of it!

I honestly can't remember what my first positive memory is of myself so I'll talk about some of my most "memorable" positive memories.

My college senior recital - Not only did I feel beautiful that day, but I felt accomplished. I knew that I performed to the best of my ability and that I had showcased my talent in a positive way. I knew that I made my family and friends proud and that I was proud of myself! It was also one of those defining steps on the path of my college career that lead to graduation and the real world.

My wedding day - Again, I felt beautiful on the inside and out. I knew I was marrying an amazing man and was confident in that decision. I loved my dress, my hair and my make-up. I felt absolutely incredible walking down the aisle to one of the most important men in my life flanked by two of the other most important men in my life, my brother and my "father," Jay Watkins. My family and friends were there to support and be part of our day and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day.

Completing my first race - What a feeling of exhilaration that was when I completed the Cooper River Bridge Run with my fabulous friend, Theresa!! I felt on top of the world; as if I could accomplish anything! Did I feel physically beautiful at the time...absolutely NOT (I just ran 6.2 miles!)!! But the strength I felt was amazing.

Completing my first 1/2 marathon - Again - the feeling of exhilaration! I ran 13.1 miles! And I did it all by myself! Yes, that's an amazing feeling and the emotions that come along with it are quite overwhelming. Did I feel physically beautiful after this race? I think I did - because at that point, I felt that a body that could accomplish that feat HAD to be beautiful!

Dork.

Apparently, Day 9 really spoke to me since I decided to blog about it TWICE! HA! When did I realize this? This morning when I saw an email in my inbox with a comment about Day 9, which was the same title as a comment over a week ago. What's great is that I even copied and pasted the list from the 1st Day 9 post into the 2nd Day 9 post. Yup...I'm a dork. Oops!

Day 10 will be coming soon!

Beautiful You - Day 9

What Are My Words Really Saying?

- My thighs are too big.
- My stomach is getting rounder.
- I wish I was 10 lbs lighter.
- I wish I was the size I was when I got married.
- I wish I was as the size of "those" girls.

So, these are some of the things I catch Beulah saying or thinking about me.

Why do I say these things? What are my emotions when I say them?

These statements are born out of frustration and unhappiness. As I mentioned before, I've got my own "Standards of Beauty" and I get so frustrated when I look in the mirror and see that I am not reaching those standards. I know that it's time for me to set new standards...standards that are more realistic and positive. And, honestly, those new standards are starting to sneak their way into my inner dialogue and it's fascinating to feel the difference when I look in the mirror.

Perfect

So, one of my favorite songs lately has been "Perfect" by Pink. The words resonated with me, especially now that I've started this blog.

I finally thought to look up the video for the song and I must say that I'm even more taken with the song now than I was before for a lot of different reasons.

Here's an article explaining Pink's reasoning for this song and the video:

http://www.popeater.com/2011/01/22/pink-message-to-baby/


And here's the clean version of the song with the video:
(warning: one slightly graphic part and deals with the issue of cutting)

Beautiful You - Day 9

What are my words really saying??

Some of the things I say or think about myself.

- My thighs are too big.
- My stomach is getting rounder.
- I wish I was 10 lbs lighter.
- I wish I was the size I was when I got married.
- I wish I was as the size of "those" girls.


Hmmm. So, what do these words really mean? I think most of my problem is that I hold myself to certain "standards" of beauty. And, honestly, it's not just a "Hollywood standard of beauty," as Rosie suggests in her book. It's really just standards that I've come up with. I look at women who have gained the attention of certain people and feel a certain jealousy because I don't feel I share the same qualities, whether it be my weight or general appearance. Sometimes these women are famous starlets and sometimes they're just regular women that I meet in passing or through someone else.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only woman who has come up with her own standards of beauty. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only woman who can't reach her own standards of beauty. I need to re-evaluate my standards. The standards in my brain right now are not healthy standards for ME.



And, for the record, Beulah has only reared her ugly head about 3 times. Not bad!

Beautiful You - Day 8

Self-Appreciation Jar

This jar is now sitting on my vanity.
For every negative thought or comment Beulah has about me, I will add either a quarter or a positive note.

Beautiful You - Day 7

Ah, yes. The inner critic that I just posted about yesterday needs a name. She's such a nag and just not nice at all. She's my biggest enemy. And, she needs a name.

hmm...


Brunhilda?
Gertrude?
Bertha?
Olga?
Beulah?


I think I'm leaning towards Bertha or Beulah. What do you think?? =)